Embracing conscious language

Choosing care over correctness

As a gay man with a few decades of experience teaching communication, I thought I was pretty well-schooled on the use of inclusive language. I was so wrong.

At CommNet, the annual gathering of communication professionals working with social impact and nonprofit organizations, I could not even get into the room where Alex Kapitan, The Radical Copyeditor, spoke. The session on Words Matter: The Art and Style of Conscious Language, was clearly a hit, so I set out to find another way to benefit from Alex’s wisdom.

Alex Kapitan, The Radical Copyeditor

Knowing Alex was coming to the Bay Area, I volunteered to organize an event for my local CommNet colleagues. Graciously, Alex accepted the invitation and shared the presentation with us. Quite frankly, Alex rocked my world and changed how I view many elements of word choice and communication. While the entire class was packed with insights, this quote from Don Coyhis set the tone for me about language choice:

If you want to care for something, you call it a flower.
If you want to kill something, you call it a weed.

Alex has generously allowed me to share the video and slides from that workshop, but we ask that you don’t forward these links to others. As a synthesis, let me outline the primary lessons I drew from the talk and how I consider these insights in my own communication.

• Understand your own view and privilege. The first step is to investigate your biases, motivations, and intentions. Conscious language begins within, and like an onion, you may continue to peel back more layers as you get deeper into these areas.

• Seek “care” over “correctness” as you write about others. Am I using language they would prefer? Am I unintentionally erasing others by being “grammatically or politically correct”?

• Use “humanizing” language rather than categories or conditions. It takes a few more words to say “people with epilepsy” rather than “epileptics,” as some of my entrepreneurs in this space taught me last year.

• Avoid “talking around” something you wish to address directly. Using “underprivileged” as a euphemism misses the fact that a group has been “systemically oppressed” or “historically excluded.” It’s okay—in fact, often preferred—to say what you mean and mean what you say.

• Give yourself grace and space. We will likely all get terms wrong and make choices that perpetuate euphemisms and stereotypes. But like my passion for communicating with mastery, we can all improve each time we write or speak.

By the end of this master class on language, I admit I had more questions than answers, but I also had a toolkit I could use to help me thoughtfully decide about words in ways I’d never considered before.

While I’d love to see each of you invest an hour to watch the video and review the slides, more importantly, I invite you to:

Simply stop and think when you begin to use a word or phrase
to describe a person … is that the best choice?

JD’s Recommendations: what I’m reading, hearing, and seeing:

• Reading: my former student Otto Pohl provides an insightful look at entrepreneurial storytelling in his post “Legendary Investor David Hornik on Pitch Decks.”

• Hearing: my nephew Steven shared “The Cues That Make You Charismatic” with me. I’m not sure I can endorse the entire book since I’ve not read it, but author Vanessa Van Edwards shares some valid tips.

• Seeing: glimpse inside a stellar course I co-created with Allison Kluger in her video Class Takeaways–Reputation Management.

Thanks for enjoying my newsletter. I always welcome your feedback and view it as a gift.

As always, jds

P.S. Let me share one more time that scholarships are available for those who apply to attend the course Ken and I will teach in Baja next month: The Roadmap to Your Soul’s Expression. We join the renowned Chip Conley for this week-long experience and would love to have you join us too.