Lean into the discomfort

How to gain from the pain of seeing yourself on video

Last week, 15 leaders from a wide range of fields joined me and my husband Ken for our inaugural one-day workshop on public speaking, Realize the Result. We bookended the day with each participant delivering a 1-minute talk at the start and a 3-minute to 5-minute talk at the end. We encouraged, invited, and even implored people to watch their videos.

Realize the Result Workshop

But I know that’s a huge ask. Most of us don’t like to see ourselves on video, let alone watch it for ways we can improve. So let me make it simpler for you the next time you have a video of a talk you’ve delivered.

Over the years, I’ve developed this approach based on guidance from my first academic mentor, Irv Schenkler at NYU, to help people in reviewing their videos. It requires that you commit to watching yourself several times to get the most benefit. (You may wish to aid the process with a beverage of your choice.)

1. Watch the video and just have your reaction. I do this for a living and still cringe at the pounds the camera puts on (or hair it seems to remove). Just see yourself and be with what you see.

2. Watch the video with the sound off. Now, hone in on your body language. How much or little do you move? Are any repetitive habits a distraction? Do you make eye contact with the audience or the camera?

3. Hear the video with the screen off. Next, focus on your speaking quality. Do you pick up on vocal ticks (umm, uhh, you know, etc.)? Can you hear yourself without adjusting the volume? Does your voice exude energy and confidence?

4. Watch the video one final time. Here, take a victory lap, watch for what worked, what resonated, what landed. What lines were most memorable? What impact did you have on the audience? What can you repeat and build upon in future talks?

In my teaching, I can require students to do this exercise. As a coach and consultant, I can merely encourage. But I keep doing so because I know it works.

In fact, I know of no tool that is better for a speaker to improve than to watch themselves on video and conduct a thorough and thoughtful self-evaluation.

So, you guessed it—that’s my invitation for this week. Put a slot on your calendar for self-development, find a recent video (even just a Zoom meeting), and mine the recording for ways to improve and efforts you can continue in your pursuit of mastery in your communication.

Let me know what you learn.

If you’re in SF or NYC, Ken and I have room for you to join us for our next workshops. Visit Realize the Result to learn more.

JD’s Recommendations: what I’m reading, hearing, and seeing:

• Reading: My friend Kevin Fisher-Paulson sets a high bar for writing with his weekly column in the SF Chronicle. This week’s was particularly profound: “Resolving to fight, and write, to the end.”

• Hearing: Adam Grant has a new podcast, Re:Thinking, and recently interviewed Tara Westover, author of Educated about the triumphs and struggles of educating yourself.

• Seeing: On my flight to Zurich, I enjoyed watching Steven Spielberg’s The Fabelmans, a semi-autobiographical look at his youth through breathtaking storytelling.

Thanks for enjoying my newsletter. If you have suggestions for items I should read, hear, or see and then endorse drop me an email.

As always, jds

PS: Did you miss me last week? Between my trips to Switzerland and Kansas City, I chose to not also try to write a newsletter. It’s part of why I chose the subtitle for Communication Matters: an occasional curation of tips and tactics. I knew I’d likely not be consistent in pushing out a quality newsletter every single week. But I missed my regular contact with each of you, which has been a hallmark of 2023 for me.