Lift Every Voice
Communication tips for women leaders and their champions.
As we march through Women’s History Month, I want to dedicate this issue of Communication Matters to the unique gifts and distinct challenges women leaders face when communicating.
Since I’m not an expert on this topic, I rely on two colleagues and friends, Stephanie Soler and Allison Kluger. Both of these women co-taught with me at Stanford and guided me to the tips below. What you like…credit them; what you don’t is clearly my own responsibility. Over their years of both delivering compelling talks and coaching other women to do the same, they offer seven communication strategies to women:
1. Grasp the landscape. This is something Allison suggests women seem to do intuitively better than men; consider this your superpower. Take note of the setting, players, and issues, and use your knowledge of the terrain to navigate the meeting.
2. Reduce the apologies. Too often women apologize unnecessarily. Stephanie offers “Don't apologize as a way to start or end a conversation. Be accountable for your mistakes, but don't overcorrect.”
3. Use humor. Often the warmest way to diffuse a tough situation is through humor. Comments like, "John, that sounded really good…when I said it ten minutes ago," remind people of your efforts. If hierarchy is present, perhaps say, “John, I’m so glad you are aligned with what I suggested earlier. I appreciate your support.”
4. Manage the interruptions. Research shows that men are more likely to interrupt women than the other way around. Prepare for that, preempt it when you can, and call it out gently and firmly when it recurs. Allies can help her too, in noting the misstep or asking for “the rest of the story.”
5. Speak with certainty. By eliminating qualifying phrases like "perhaps," "maybe," and "kind of,” women can speak with greater certainty. It's better to speak decisively than to waffle.
6. Secure a mentor. While many firms and sectors still have a poor record of advancing women to senior leadership, there are more role models today than ever before. Seek out a leader whose style you respect and whose success you admire. Ask for time to be formally or informally mentored as you move up in your career.
7. Reflect and iterate. We only get better at skills like this if we commit to growing with each new experience. Just like mastery, perfection never comes, but you can get incrementally better if you build in time to reflect and self-critique after key leadership communication experiences. Consider both what went well and what you can do differently next time. Commit to what you want to start, stop, and continue doing so that, over time, your presence continues to expand.
This list was created for my book, Communicate with Mastery in 2020, and I believe it stands the test of time. Check out the entire section in the book, where even greater details are provided.
My ask of you this week is two-fold:
If you’re a woman, try these strategies and let me know what works for you. Consider what other women in your orbit should also see this post.
If you’re a man, think of the women in your family and workplace who’d benefit from this edition of Comm Matters and share it with them.
One of the best ways to grasp the impact of executive presence for women is to see it in action. I invite you to check out the video of an event I helped co-produce during Women’s History Month: Rugged Elegance Presents…Discovery: Reveling in the Rise of Women. All five speakers demonstrated different aspects of what I wrote above. Enjoy.
Talk of the week:
This week, I want to share a talk from September. Jill Osur powerfully shared her journey in following her heart as she founded Tennafly Cellars. Below is an excerpt from her talk:
You can find her entire talk here. It remains one of my favorite examples of a clear metaphor, the dragonfly, used throughout the talk and in the imagery behind her.
JD’s Recommendations: What I’m reading, hearing, and seeing:
Reading: This piece by Julie Pham, Diversify Both the Writers and Performers of Our Leadership Narratives, emphasizes the need for all voices to be heard.
Hearing: Dr. Hilary Marusak focuses on the pressing topic of Science Under Threat in her latest episode of her Brainstem podcast.
Viewing: Tanya Katan’s humorous talk, It Was Never a Dress, from 2017, is as funny and fresh as it was when she first created it. Give it a look, even if you’ve seen it before.
Wishing you the best for the second half of Women History Month.
#5 is a hard one for me. Thank you for these thoughtful recommendations, JD!