The Power of LISTENING to Text Messages

A little past 4 am on Sunday morning, I finished my 400th text conversation as a volunteer for Crisis Text Line. Achieving certification was a “pandemic project,” and I’ve spent ~4 hours weekly (usually after the kids and Ken are asleep) fielding text conversations from people often in their greatest hour of need when nobody else is around.

In my training, I was stunned to see the very first module was “Listening Skills.” As a communications professor, I was, perhaps, even indignant. There is no talking here, so how on earth can there be listening? Boy was I wrong. 

Merriam-Webster defines hearing as the “process, function, or power of perceiving sound; specifically: the special sense by which noises and tones are received as stimuli.” Listening, on the other hand, means “to pay attention to sound; to hear something with thoughtful attention; and to give consideration.”

You can “pay thoughtful attention” to what is expressed and not expressed in any type of communication, be it text, phone call (remember those?), Zoom meeting, or one-on-one conversation.

Yes, you can listen to someone who never speaks.

While volumes have been written on this topic, I think these 3 tips capture it best…

1) Focus first to listen fully — Put other distractions aside so you can fully focus on the message at hand. I admit to multitasking and have on more than one occasion (this week) sent a text reply to the wrong party. But if I slow down and focus solely on that person and their message, I’m more likely to understand them.

2) Verify what you’ve understood — At Crisis Text Line, we are trained to not give advice but to draw out of the person the solutions they seek. I will often reflect with phrases like “it sounds like you’ve been…” and “did I get that right?”

3) Delay offering a solution — Sometimes people simply need to be heard. Other times they need to be heard first, then engaged in creating a solution. Too often in the past, I would jump in with actions to take before the other person got their story out.

Yes, I used my volunteer experience as a springboard for these lessons, but they apply to all of us in whatever ways we communicate. This week I invite you to focus, verify, and delay, and see what opens up in your conversations, whether spoken or unspoken.

JD’s Recommendations: what I’m reading, hearing, & seeing

• Reading: The Venture Fund Blueprint. I’ve no interest in forming a venture fund, but this practical advice is remarkable and a good model for other thought leaders to emulate. 

• Hearing: 20 Minutes with Bronwyn is out with a new season. While none of her podcasts are truly 20 minutes, each is packed with rich gems of how to communicate effectively and help others do the same.

• Viewing: Chasing the Sublime is a six-minute documentary that moved my soul when I first saw it in a Modern Elder Academy course on finding our purpose.

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