Transformative Stories Transform

Both the storyteller and the listener.

June 11^th remains a pivotal day for me.

21 years ago, I made a mistake that nearly cost me my life, and I’m so grateful to still be here. In fact, that “dark night of the soul” became the catalyst for me to turn my life around and surrender, fully, to my addiction and depression and to seek help.

13 years ago, my short TED talk, Break the silence for suicide attempt survivors, was released. This brought light and joy to a day on the calendar that had held so much darkness.

A somewhat younger JD shares his TED talk in Palm Springs.

If you’ve not yet seen my talk, I invite you to pause your reading to view it, then return. (But please return; cool stuff to follow!) Just as what happened in 2003 changed my life forever, so did telling this story in a very public way in 2011. That’s the power of a good story. It should cause a shift for those who hear it, but ideally also for those who tell it. Let me examine both sides of this storytelling coin.

For my audience gathered in an outdoor amphitheater near Palm Springs, I wanted to shine a light on the fact that resources, particularly in 2003 and still in 2011, were sparse for those who had made an attempt on their life but now wanted to rebound and recover. But more than that, I wanted to spark a conversation. I closed with these words:

“And I'm choosing to come out of a totally different kind of closet today to encourage you, to urge you, that if you are someone who has contemplated or attempted suicide, or you know somebody who has, talk about it; get help. It's a conversation worth having and an idea worth spreading.”

I wanted to provide permission for everyone to talk about the taboo topics of depression, addiction, and suicide. And it worked. Throughout the week in Palm Springs, people found me to share their own stories. I became a lightning rod of sorts for people to open up about their pain, lighten their emotional load, and reduce the taboo.

Yet, the more astounding part for me to experience is how sharing my story changed me. My friends Rives and Kelly, who hosted the TED event where I shared my story, told me later that I went up on stage one person and came off stage another person. The back story of my TED talk is that I was not certain even as I began speaking if I would tell the world that this was my own story of transformation. There’s a paragraph that begins, “I know John’s story well, because I’m John.” While for many it was a shock, it was not necessary for me to share. The talk holds together without this line, but is better with it.  As I trusted the audience and the moment and delivered that paragraph, I transformed. I was no longer a guy talking about suicide, I was a survivor sharing my journey for the very first time in a public setting.

Not only did the talk change me in that moment, but the change stuck.

Surprisingly, when TED approached me to put my talk online, I hesitated. In fact, I took nearly three months to say yes. I was not sure that I was ready for that broad exposure to my journey of recovery. While I waited, I lost yet one more friend, a high school classmate and childhood friend, to suicide. I came to realize that if my point was to reduce the stigma, it would be foolish to do anything other than say yes. And in that yes, I was again transformed.

My talk has now been viewed over two million times and translated into 43 languages. Colleges and high schools us it in their curriculum, and each month I hear from people who tell me that my going public about my seeking help allowed them to do the same. Now total strangers connect with me, usually without me even knowing about it. My story became a part of courses I will never take and schools I will never visit. Families who I will likely never meet have discussed my talk over dinner with their kids.

That’s the power of a compelling story. It can change both the one who listens and the one who speaks.

It’s why we can often remember stories we hear much more than facts. And, during times of personal challenge, we cling to the hope of others’ stories as we struggle to find our own path forward.

Today, I invite you to look for places to hear and share stories of transformation. See where it may take you and let me know what you find.

While I don’t charge for Comm Matters…I do have a request

Today I’m directly asking each of my nearly 1800 subscribers to take one action: join me on June 20 from 3:30 to 5:30 Pacific for Discovery: Answering the call to authenticity. This event is both in-person for those in the Bay Area and live streamed for those around the globe.

You will see six remarkable LGBTQ+ storytellers answer the question of how they answered the call to be authentic in their own lives. These leaders are transforming communities, founding firms, building movements, advocating for change, and making a difference. I guarantee an afternoon of inspiration. Whether you are gay or straight, this event will serve you. Too often during Pride Month we celebrate the joy yet fail to stop and hear the stories of the journey. This event is specifically designed to help you hear and feel the power of coming into your own and then stepping out to make an impact. That’s a worthwhile endeavor regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity.

Thank you for trying to join us next Thursday live or by livestream.

JD’s Recommendations: what I’m reading, hearing, and seeing:

• Reading: for even more on crafting compelling stories read Emily Bartlett’s excellent blog 8 Classic Storytelling Techniques for Engaging Presentations.

• Hearing: Mo Rocca offers this delightful excerpt about Laura Ingalls Wilder,  literary frontierswoman, from his new book Roctognerians, released today.

• Seeing: researching today’s newsletter let me reconnect with this hilarious 2007 TED talk by Rives: The 4 a.m. Mystery. Enjoy!

PS: You honor me by reading all the way to the end of Communication Matters. Feel free to drop a comment below to let me know what resonated or what could be improved.