Wisdom is not taught.

It's shared.

Much of my life has been about teaching, from my first job at the prep school from which I graduated, through nearly every standardized admission test taught by Kaplan, to over 20 years teaching communication at amazing schools of business and communication. I love teaching and I love finding new topics that I can learn, with the goal of teaching them to others.

So you can imagine my alarm when Chip Conley told us in one of my MEA (short for Modern Elder Academy, but like TED and IBM MEA aspires to be known as a three letter acronym) courses that “Wisdom can’t be taught, only shared.” Chip had carved out a body of content that defied teaching. And I now see that he’s right. After several great online and in-person courses with MEA, the world’s first midlife wisdom school, I have learned little but gained a ton. In today’s newsletter I want to share some of what has been shared with me and invite you into your own exploration of the topic of wisdom and how it might help shape your ability to communicate.

MEA uses the analogy of the transition a caterpillar makes to become a butterfly to help participants understand the journey from adolescence, through “middlescence,” into adulthood. We all begin in this caterpillar phase, if you will, where we spend much of our early life learning how to “adult” and then “adulting.” These years are about building the skills, resources, and experiences needed to have a career.

© MEA Participant Workbook, used with permission

At some point, however, most all of us will go through mid-life change. Chip is quick to point out we need to stop calling this a crisis, but rather a chrysalis. His 2023 TED Talk you Chip Conley’s 2023 TED Talk: an alternative midlife crisis .makes this clear with humor and power.

Within this mucky “liminal state,” we undergo a metamorphosis into an entirely different creature, an elder, who has much to offer the world but in a different way than earlier in life.

The elder can offer mentorship, encourage mastery, and create legacy.

I love the MEA vision of becoming a modern elder and look forward to taking my next class at MEA, co-led by Fr. Richard Rohr and Michael Poffenberger, based on Rohr’s book, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.

As a communicator, I’m struck with the question, “If wisdom can only be shared,” then how and when should we do that? I think there exists three guidelines:

1. Share by your example.

2. Wait, to be invited to share.

3. Ask permission to share.

Let me illustrate each of these for you. As a parent I’m often reminded of the quote attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Your actions speak so loud I can’t hear what you say.”

We often share our wisdom best not by what we say, but by what we do.

My children see what I value most by my actions. They know what’s important to me as they watch how I spend my time and my money. It may never be necessary to say what lesson I hope they gain from watching me. I hope it’s obvious. And when I fall short, which I often do as a dad, how I correct my mistakes and clean up my messes will stick with them much more than what I said.

I love this coffee cup my friend and colleague Elizabeth Mora gave me, the irony of “dispensing wisdom since 1964” contains two fallacies. First, we should not dispense wisdom, but wait to have our opinion invited. Second, while I was a “wise guy” from early on (My dad had another term he used!) I had no wisdom to share until I was much further along in life. I believe our wisdom will be valued more if we wait until it’s sought. He who speaks last in a meeting often is remembered more.

Finally, when we believe our experience will benefit others and they’ve not yet invited us to comment, we can ask permission to share. If done with humility and authenticity, we may be pleasantly surprised with how well our shared wisdom is received.

I urge you to look for ways this week that your wisdom can benefit others by your example and—if needed—by your words. As always, I love to hear how you apply what I’ve suggested. I welcome your comments below.

JD’s Recommendations: what I’m reading, hearing, and seeing:

• Reading: the best, near daily, source for more on this can be found in Chip Conley’s blog, Wisdom Well.

• Hearing: Richard Rohr with Brene Brown on her Unlocking Us podcast brought two great minds together in one moving conversation.  

• Seeing: sticking to the theme for today, if you’d like further dept on this watch my lesson from last Sunday at Unity in Marin.

As always, jds

PS: Consider sharing or subscribing. It’s the highest form of acknowledgment to me as a writer when you share my work with others. I think you all know this, but Comm Matters will always be free and I will never sell your information to anybody.